Does This Seminar Make My Butt Look Big?

I'm enrolled in a four-week online seminar. For three hours every Thursday, I am effectively trapped in my office with a beautiful yellow caution-tape ribbon tied artfully around my doorknob (DO NOT DISTURB!) and a klunky, ear-smushing headsetstrapped over my skullcap, theoretically learning how to "Make the Transition From Staff to Supervisor."

OK, first of all, the seminar sounded great in the description. Many of the things I wanted to know, like what I can and cannot say and do in my role as a manager, were covered in the "Things YOU Will LEARN!" bulleted list. I had this seminar on my training to-do list for 2011 and was even more jazzed about it when my boss' boss suggested it to me. So, YAY! And they have it online, so that's gotta be better than missing two entire days of work, right?

Well, not really. Today was the third of four weeks, and while I still hold high hopes for next week's topic, the first nine hours have been a bust.

Let me caution you about online seminars. While sitting in a room full of strangers is, oddly enough, unappealing to some people, it is at least an efficient way of fostering give and take. In an online seminar, one must raise one's virtual hand, be recognized as wishing to speak, be handed the virtual microphone, and activate the virtual microphone before making a contribution to the conversation. Alternatively, one could type one's heartfelt comments into the "chat pod," but there's a risk that the question might be overlooked. Ugh. It's enough to make one want to shrink into the virtual corner. You know the euphemisms for wasting time--teeth pulling, beating one's head against the wall, paint drying, watched pots that never boil? This was worse.

And then there was the curriculum. If ever there was a real plug for the leadership courses the Boy Scouts of America offers its adult leaders, this particular course is it. Their versions of our Leaders EDGE and SMART goal-setting, for example, leave this course in the dust. I felt so smart! And, unfortunately, so bored.

So, as it has been three years since I technically transitioned from staff member to supervisor at the BSA (the first time I was a manager, at the paper, no one cared enough to shepherd me through any kind of training, and that might have been a good thing), in a week I will be loosed upon the world, ready to objectively and fairly lead my employees to new heights of success.

What have we learned here today, boys and girls? Online seminars are not good uses of the company's training dollar. But I will press on and see if I can salvage something. Next week, when I raise my little blue-man virtual hand to be virtually recognized, I will be virtually amazed if I can stay awake long enough to ask my vitual question. And if I learn anything, I'll objectively and fairly pass it along. But, hey, all is not lost. For three hours every Thursday afternoon, I don't have to answer the phone, the door, or the e-mails. Huzzah!